Now Is The Time

I never wanted this blog to be about my recent "family" issues.
This will be the last.

I specifically started this for a personal journalism project.
I wanted an outlet to help me get through the next few years.
I wanted to share some of my life's stories.
I debated writing about current events.
But this is not for me.
It's for Ron, my husband.


A life that began in the inner city streets of Chicago.
Struggles were ever present all of his life of 60 years.
He's never complained, only accepted the life he has lived.
Worked hard, at odd hours to advance.
And eventually support a family with 4 children, and sick wife.
After 25 years of marriage she divorced him.
He gave her everything he could.
Himself filing for bankruptcy, and beginning again.
I have known him for 12 years.
He has always been a gentle, responsible, loving, and patient person.

Now some of my background......

I barely survived through 2 abusive marriages.
I found my soul mate in 1974.
I then had a family of 2 natural children and 4 stepchildren.
Then he died.
Very suddenly.
Shattered my life.
I was 38 with 6 children ages 5 to 25.
My therapy was simple.
I helped other young widows.
Free time was devoted to my career and my children.
Life did not end because I was hurting.
It slowly took a new dimension.
I loved those around me harder.
I was grateful to God everyday they were in my life.
As years went by my career stabilized, we moved a few times.
Eventually I landed in Chicago.
I found more volunteer work in the church and community to keep going.

One of those groups was a parent mentoring program.

I began mentoring a recent divorced mother with 3 children at home.
She had some mental and health issues, and my heart broke for her.
If she needed her house cleaned, I was there to help.
If she needed care for her younger son and daughter, they stayed with me.
If she needed a friend to talk to, I was there at all hours.
Her oldest son MOVED out, to live with a friend in the city.
She needed me more than ever. And I was there.
This woman grew to be my friend.

And the last person I ever wanted to hurt.
She was also the ex-wife of my current husband.

I met Ron when he picked up the younger ones every weekend.
The 2 older ones were 10 years apart, from the younger two.
The oldest daughter wanted to live with Ron.
Medically the situation with their Mom got worse.
She needed to be hospitalized again,
Physically or emotionally, she couldn't take care of the children any longer.
They stayed in my home for 6 months.
The court gave custody of the younger two to their father.
He bought a condo, 2 miles from were their mother lived.
The children could see her as often as they wanted.
We stayed in touch.
We went to movies and dinner with the kids.
We became even closer friends.
Then we started dating, but I was not looking to remarry.
I only believed God sent him, and the kids into my life for a reason.
We fell in love; got married.
I adopted his younger two children.

I was just Me; they saw Mom, whenever they wanted.

This is where we begin the truth...

My chest hurts, writing this.

Crying has burned my eyes.
The heartache is never ending,
From so much useless pain.
I have been quiet, and tolerant.
Ignored the lies, and overlooked the hatred.
But it's time.......

I can say with all truism, that I try every day to be a good person.
I do not act maliciously toward others.
I have made mistakes in my life, and learned from everyone of them.
Always sincerely apologizing to those I have ever hurt.
I try to help those in need : friends, family, strangers.
I do not ever expect anything in return.
I believe wholeheartedly that God put us on this earth.
To to live in His image, and by His teachings.
The Lord has saved my life, and kept my soul intact.
Through some of the worst life can throw your way.
I pray every day.
For my family, for strength to accept, for forgiveness, to please look out for those I love.
I love my ENTIRE family, extended and natural, with my entire heart.
This will be me until the day I die.

* I did not force myself on Ron's family.
God dropped them, into my already complicated life.
I opened my heart yet another time.
I have never regretted the struggles.
Just tried to focus on the smiles my new life brought.

* No one thinks I need to go to a mental health facility.
(Except ME sometimes)
I have always loved my adopted children as my own.
Their older siblings, I try to treat with love and respect.
They live in their father's heart, as do I.

* My husband's heart is shattered.
Why do his three oldest children think he deserves to be "out casted?"
The pretense that I tore apart their family, holds no water.
Past hurts can not be undone, but they can be water under the bridge.

His older children have disowned him.
There are two grandchildren he has never seen.
He has firmly and calmly tried to glue it all back together.
But no one wants to listen.
Each time the returning actions and words become more hateful.
Old issues, heartbreaks, disappointments.
Clenched in their hearts like security blankets.

His daughter has an ongoing sickness.
At her hands, it has spread.
There lies within her a relentless need for drama,
Of influencing others with half truths.
Then feeling trapped, her river expands and grows deeper.
The waters to close friends, and unsuspecting family are poisoned.

He is broken. He has given up.
I have not given up.
I never will.

I will pray everyday that God finds a solution.
It is in His hands now.
I have turned it over to Him to show us a way.
As His word has always asked us to do.
He does not want our souls to suffer.
A day will dawn.
Love will find a way to cleanse the waters
And let love flow back into their souls.

The Birth of a Career

When I turned 15, all I thought about was getting a job. I guess the independence bug bit me early. I was 15 1/2, when I received an invite to my first big dance. I was desperate to get a "very special dress." So ingenuity sent me into the supermarket down the street from my high school, were I applied for a job in the bakery department. Oddly enough I got the job, though they knew full well I wasn't 16, as I had stated on my application. My Mom wasn't too happy, but my Dad was quite impressed with my perseverance. It was a great job, and I was in love. not with a boy, but an industry. The dance thing,... well as it turned out, I had bought a sewing machine instead of a dress, and ended up working on the day of the big event!

About a year passed. The ladder of advancement was tempting me. I wanted to work in the deli department where I could get more hours, and make more money. The owner of the store saw me eating a sandwich one Saturday afternoon, and asked if I would like to work in a different department. When he told me they were going to have an opening in the deli, I literally choked. Seriously, he had to pat me on the back, and hand me my soda! I laughed, and he looked at me somewhat puzzled. "You read my mind!" I blurted out. As I explained further, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, " You are one determined gal." Two weeks later I was slicing meat.

Decades ago sexual harassment was never even a topic, let alone a law. I worked long hours, for a boss that drank, rather than supervise. Fortunately he was having a fling with another employee, so I was pretty much out of the line of fire. Then she quit, and I became the target. Since I had grown up with 2 relentless older brothers, I suppose there where many who thought of me as feisty. So when the time came to fight back, I defensively unloaded a dozen eggs, zeroing in on his crotch. 10 out of 12 direct hits was impressive, and from that day on, he never said a word about it. Though the next day his brother, who owned the store, came up to me and said, " You're OK kid." I thought he was complementing me on my pitching skills, never thinking twice that he was thanking me for my tolerance.

Needless to say it was time to move on. My Dad helped me devise a job hunting plan. He suggested I write my name and phone number on an index card, along with a few sentences about previous work, and one sentence defining my 5 year goal. Goals? I was 19, and never thought more than a month ahead. But his advice gave me a path to follow, and a lot of food for thought. I then went to the chain stores that were close by, asking if they had any openings. If they didn't I politely asked if they would keep my card on file. My Dad's strategy paid off. I had a new Full Time job in less than three weeks right up the block at a brand new store. Father certainly knew his stuff!

I stayed with that chain of stores for close to 10 years, and it was one of the happiest times of my career. Moving up the ranks, gave me a much needed confidence in my abilities in the workforce. I knew I was good at what I loved, and this is where I belonged. Little did I know how different my future would be...a career in the corporate world would prove to be far more challenging.