I have raised children of many personalities. They entered my life through childbirth, marriage, and adoption. All hold a very special place in my heart, that they own until the day I die. Some I have had a greater influence on than others, but I loved them just the same. Being a mother can be as fulfilling as it is painful. You smile as well as cry, you let go as much as you hold on.
I read my daughters blog from Korea tonight. I was hoping there would be no more pain, but her heart still holds so much hate towards us. Hate that she has chosen to block out any attempt to reconnect as a family. And the saddest part of all, in this chapter of my life, is that I've chosen to forgive and love unconditionally. Her heart of hate, won't let any of that in. She says she would rather have no parents at all. I don't know anymore how it all got this bad. All I do know is that I never want her to hurt, feel unloved, be afraid, or cry because of me. Someday I hope she sees that, and grows away from all the hateful words she still needs to put out for all to see.
I don't know where she is, because she won't give us her address. We have a beautiful grandson, that we have never seen. And never will if she holds so firmly to the hate in her heart. I wish she could remember all the great times we laughed, went shopping, sat on our big bed and watched TV, talked about "girl stuff", and so many other happy memories I like to think about. I am so proud of her, and how she has grown into a strong independent woman and mother. I hope she knows that. And that I wish with all my heart that we could be together to make many more memories to cherish. Especially since she is a mother now herself.
I love you, LRS, and I hope you are happy, and content. No matter what you may be thinking, I truly do pray that life brings you happiness in every way possible.
